I quit my photography business back in 2015 when I left Hawaii. I put my camera down and decided I wasn't going to shoot anymore. I was burnt out, I was tired, I was depressed and I didn't want any parts of it anymore. I had just quit my great paying job in mortgage banking, moved back to the south, turned down a job in Atlanta and got stuck in Alabama for reasons I will not discuss. I didn't even want to THINK about the energy it took to photograph weddings, or feed into another woman while photographing them at their most vulnerable moments. I was truly burnt out and photography made me sad, angry and anxious.
I let myself get caught up in being burnt out, while life was passing me by… and I didn't know how to move around, or through it. Not until a dear friend of mine talked me into making the leap to relocate for my sanity. I don't even think he knew how depressed I was at the time. And you know what? I did what he urged me to do.
I grabbed my kids, packed up my shit, fit my life in my 99' Pathfinder and drove to Texas to start a new life. I spent an entire year reconnecting with myself and figuring out why photography made me so sad. I realized I was comparing myself to everyone else and was no longer shooting for me. I learned that I wasn't saying no to the things that I didn't want to photograph. I realized I was running my business focused on other people's thoughts and feelings, not what I wanted to do, thought or felt. And I had to admit that while I asked myself often what if I don't make it, I was more terrified of what would happen if I DID. Because then what? I had to ask myself what did I have to lose? Of course I was afraid to fail because I'm a single mom and the sole provider for my family, but shit, I can't be scared forever right? I had to stop being afraid to succeed and address WHY I felt the way I did. And I kicked ass in shape because I had to run my business the way I run my life Unapologetically.
Here I am, in 2018 relaunching my business. Cussing when I want to cuss and being myself in my business 100%. I've discovered my why, I've shed my fear and have been living in my truth. Success don't owe me a goddamn thing honey, but I know it's attainable again. I'm not the best. I'm not the most successful, and I may not be for you. But I am passionate, I am damn good at what I do and I know how to make people feel.
I say all this to say that if you're afraid to go for your dreams, then what are you living for? Fear is normal and it will keep you honest. But you HAVE to HAVE to say fuck it and operate in spite of it. You have to plan for success. You have to remind yourself why you want it so bad. And then you have to just go for it. Get shit done, work for it, but stop to take care of yourself along the way. You have got to be easy on yourself and allow yourself room to make mistakes. Operate from a place of sincerity and when you’re feeling burnt out… REST! Learn to say no to the things you don’t want to do and learn to manage your time. Overextending yourself doesn’t do anything for anyone but cause more issues. Bet on yourself for 1st, 2nd and 3rd place. Go all in, make a trifecta and kill it. I know that’s what I’m doing. I can’t wait to tell y’all what I’ve been working on!